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23 May 2011 @ 08:33 pm
The countdown, that is, until I'm forced to move back to Texas.

I'm sitting on my couch crying because I can't find a job that will pay enough to allow my to continue to live in Boston. I have to make at least $13 an hour just to pay my monthly bills. I can't afford to take the retail and barista and hostess jobs around here that pay so little. The only way I can afford to earn so little is if I move back to Texas.

But it's not like moving back to Texas is some easy thing because I have a home here. I live with my boyfriend. We want to get married in the next couple of years. We have a dog.

I keep trying to think of this as like an awesome window of opportunity where some super cool thing can swoop in and change my life for the better. Like, "HAHA you thought it was all bad but SURPRISE, look at this cool new thing that's happening instead!"

I basically have until the second week of June to find a job that pays enough to cover my bills. Otherwise I have two weeks to help Frank find a new roommate and let my parents know I'm coming home.

I truly, seriously, 100% regret going to college. Worst decision I've made in my life, and unfortunately, one that cost me a shit load of money and will be hanging over me, ruining my life for the next couple decades.
20 December 2010 @ 02:57 am
So apparently my paid account just expired today and now I am OVERRUN with ads. Is it worth $20 I don't have to not see all these fucking ads everywhere? It's so offensive I'm torn about whether I think it's worth paying a journal host that's so willing to assault the eyeballs of non-paying customers . . . does livejournal deserve my money? Eesh.
05 December 2010 @ 02:03 pm
I currently owe 1988.32 in bills every month. After taxes, and assuming I work a full 40 hours a week, I make $1740 a month.

To say this has me freaking out is a massive understatement.
Current Mood: stressedstressed
27 May 2010 @ 06:54 pm
I really have no idea what I'm doing. Regardless, I have eight lit mags I'm going to submit various short stories to. There are three lit agents I'm going to contact about LD, and I've compiled a list of about five publishers I'll contact about the three novels I'll be editing. However, it's just all so overwhelming and confusing and intimidating, so I'm also looking into maybe self-publishing -- maybe at least my first novel, because then if it sold well, that would be a credit for future publishing ventures, right? Except if I'm going to be hitting up people I know to purchase a book I wrote, I want it to be one I'm super proud of, and none of the novels I'm currently editing are . . . so I don't know. And part of the problem is that everything takes so much TIME, because say I decide to try submitting the first of the novels that I'm editing right now to publishers to see if I get any bites before I decide to self-publish it . . . well there's a two-month wait for queries, and then a six-month wait for manuscript responses, and most publishing houses don't want simultaneous submissions. So that's years of waiting.

I'm not really a very patient person. And I guess it's frustrating because all that time I'm waiting, I'm writing more stuff that I'll ALSO have to wait to figure out what to do with.

I just want someone that I can be like, "I'm going to just write, and then you take it and sell it for me." I mean . . . I guess that's an agent . . . but if I can't actually get an agent . . .

I'm frustrated that I just earned my writing degree and yet know nothing about how to actually make a career of it. I'm sure there were seminars or something at Emerson I didn't know about, but I wish there was one I could go to now, or that I could have like a mentor or something.
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
19 January 2010 @ 04:20 pm
As Diana phrased it, today was our Collapse )
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
12 January 2010 @ 02:16 pm
My new wii arrived in the mail. The wii that I can in no way afford but wanted to buy so that when Frank comes over here, I can still get things done (because otherwise I feel like i need to be entertaining him, whereas when we're at his place he can play video games and leave me to my reading and writing and editing.) So Frank brought it over and we watched 30Rock while eating leftover veggie stew, then set it up with Diana's company. Made miis for all of us, including one named "Fidizzle" for Fidan that we'll show her when she gets back here Sunday. Then made strawberry daiquiris with my new blender while playing with the wii. It sounds lo-key, but it was a nice evening; I haven't spent any time with Diana in a long time, so that was nice.

Now, Tuesday, I had a nearly impossible time waking up this morning. Let myself play another hour of wii, read some more research for my honors thesis paper, and now am attempting to write the next chapter of one of my stories, except that there is NO ONE online for me to be chatting and soundboarding with. Where are all my girls? I'm afraid my long absence may have permanently exiled me from the fandom and I'm really hoping not. :( Especially last winter/spring when I was super duper wrapped up in it, it was among the happiest, most productive months of my writing life.

Anyway, back to trying to get work done. I hate when it reaches this point of the day and I feel like I haven't done anything but I know I've only got a few more hours to be productive. I still need to shower and pack up my Christmas decorations, too, so I can take them over to Frank's tonight to store in his basement. :/ Sad. I really just want to get this chapter written and the story finished -- I just reread the whole thing over the weekend -- but it's been so long that I'm having a hard time getting back into the voices. Lame!
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
20 December 2009 @ 10:06 pm
and it's a long oneCollapse )

Not bad for my first entry back, I guess. Instead of letting myself feel overwhelmed with all I haven't written about, I'm just going to take it one little entry at a time. Baby steps. To those of you are friended me because you read my stories: soon. I promise. Probably not until after Christmas, but hopefully at least one or two things will be updated by New Years.

But I hope the fuckers who stole my laptop and thus my un-backed-up diary die and burn in hell.
Current Location: still in Boston
Current Mood: excitedexcited
18 August 2009 @ 03:59 pm
it illegal to not have air conditioning in apartments in Boston? It is currently 93degrees outside. It has been like that for two months. That's enough heat to give people health problems, particularly in apartments that are small and without airflow. I feel like I'm dying in my own apartment. I may be about to run down and buy a window fan, but it will mean my desk is sort of unusuable because it faces directly into the window, and I hate having wind in my face. Also it will block my view of newbury street. Ugh.
Current Mood: bitchybitchy
15 August 2009 @ 05:24 pm
The loft, I've decided, is my cockblock -- in writing terms, I mean. I can no longer get any writing done. It's taken me two hours to write a PARAGRAPH, and this is after about two months of hitting a wall in terms of muse and inspiration. I honestly think it's just that, unlike in winter when this apartment was warm and cozy, it's just now hot and stuffy and crowded. I think I need to move into the new apartment before I can start really writing again, but that's still two and a half weeks away, and I don't want to waste that time. I might TRY again to write at Frank's, but that's been insanely unsuccessful thus far . . . ughhhh. So many things need writing and I feel like I'm slamming my head against the wall.

In other news, Frank got me a GORGEOUS desk (and also a GORGEOUS tv stand/bookcase) yesterday. The desk makes me squeal with glee because it is beautiful and perfect and EXACTLY what I personally need in a desk. LOTS of space, and even an extra raised service I can put my tea and candles and flowers on. I'm so thrilled. It's very, very strange for me to rely on someone and accept help from them, but Frank's proving time and time again that he's really good at taking care of me. And I'm having a harder time disbelieving him when he tells me he likes taking care of me. I shouldn't disbelieve him. I like taking care of him, so why can't he feel the same way?

Start nanny job Monday. Me and the boys are going to the science museum. Start my marketing job within the week, once they get my business cards printed up. I really, really hope I'm successful at marketing. That could be so lucrative for me, unless I suck it up big time. Bartending class and certification in exactly two weeks.

To be honest, I don't feel like writing right now, I feel like packing. There's not really much sense in packing, I know. I don't even have enough boxes, or anyplace to put the boxes once they're packed. I'm just SO FUCKING READY to move already, and have space (my new bedroom is bigger than the size of my ENTIRE studio). The only frustrating downside is that it will be further from Frank and the nanny job, but I'm thinking it'll be worth it. I'll still take the same damn 1 bus everyday, haha.

Still feeling really sick. I don't know what's up with that. Not having nightmares anymore, and not as stressed about money anymore, but everything I eat is still making me pretty sick, and I still have a hard time not sleeping all the time. Took a 5-hour energy shot AND am on my second (caffeinated) green tea root beer, and yet still I could lay down and sleep. Once again, I'm thinking it's the heat in this apartment. I have the fan blowing on me, but it's still almost too hot to breathe.

Maybe instead of smacking my face because I can't write (at least I got a paragraph AND the next four chapters of this story in particular planned), I should go pack up my kitchen stuff.

I feel bad I haven't written all summer when SO much has happened. I will maybe regret it someday that I can't be like "look, Frank, here's the diary entry when you told me you loved me" or whatever. But .. . I just haven't felt like it, lol. My memory is better with Frank than it was withCasey though, so maybe it'll be okay.
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Current Music: shuffle
07 June 2009 @ 02:30 am
Just spent 30 minutes making people laugh during a very intense debate about an "exclusive" that Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are fucking, and that she really likes him but that he's ust using her for sex.

First of all: people claiming to KNOW other people's feelings and motives = win (and by win, I mean lose).

But seriously, this saved my night, hahaha. People are funny (and by funny I mean batshitcrazy).
Current Mood: amusedamused