it illegal to not have air conditioning in apartments in Boston? It is currently 93degrees outside. It has been like that for two months. That's enough heat to give people health problems, particularly in apartments that are small and without airflow. I feel like I'm dying in my own apartment. I may be about to run down and buy a window fan, but it will mean my desk is sort of unusuable because it faces directly into the window, and I hate having wind in my face. Also it will block my view of newbury street. Ugh.

The loft, I've decided, is my cockblock -- in writing terms, I mean. I can no longer get any writing done. It's taken me two hours to write a PARAGRAPH, and this is after about two months of hitting a wall in terms of muse and inspiration. I honestly think it's just that, unlike in winter when this apartment was warm and cozy, it's just now hot and stuffy and crowded. I think I need to move into the new apartment before I can start really writing again, but that's still two and a half weeks away, and I don't want to waste that time. I might TRY again to write at Frank's, but that's been insanely unsuccessful thus far . . . ughhhh. So many things need writing and I feel like I'm slamming my head against the wall.

In other news, Frank got me a GORGEOUS desk (and also a GORGEOUS tv stand/bookcase) yesterday. The desk makes me squeal with glee because it is beautiful and perfect and EXACTLY what I personally need in a desk. LOTS of space, and even an extra raised service I can put my tea and candles and flowers on. I'm so thrilled. It's very, very strange for me to rely on someone and accept help from them, but Frank's proving time and time again that he's really good at taking care of me. And I'm having a harder time disbelieving him when he tells me he likes taking care of me. I shouldn't disbelieve him. I like taking care of him, so why can't he feel the same way?

Start nanny job Monday. Me and the boys are going to the science museum. Start my marketing job within the week, once they get my business cards printed up. I really, really hope I'm successful at marketing. That could be so lucrative for me, unless I suck it up big time. Bartending class and certification in exactly two weeks.

To be honest, I don't feel like writing right now, I feel like packing. There's not really much sense in packing, I know. I don't even have enough boxes, or anyplace to put the boxes once they're packed. I'm just SO FUCKING READY to move already, and have space (my new bedroom is bigger than the size of my ENTIRE studio). The only frustrating downside is that it will be further from Frank and the nanny job, but I'm thinking it'll be worth it. I'll still take the same damn 1 bus everyday, haha.

Still feeling really sick. I don't know what's up with that. Not having nightmares anymore, and not as stressed about money anymore, but everything I eat is still making me pretty sick, and I still have a hard time not sleeping all the time. Took a 5-hour energy shot AND am on my second (caffeinated) green tea root beer, and yet still I could lay down and sleep. Once again, I'm thinking it's the heat in this apartment. I have the fan blowing on me, but it's still almost too hot to breathe.

Maybe instead of smacking my face because I can't write (at least I got a paragraph AND the next four chapters of this story in particular planned), I should go pack up my kitchen stuff.

I feel bad I haven't written all summer when SO much has happened. I will maybe regret it someday that I can't be like "look, Frank, here's the diary entry when you told me you loved me" or whatever. But .. . I just haven't felt like it, lol. My memory is better with Frank than it was withCasey though, so maybe it'll be okay.

Just spent 30 minutes making people laugh during a very intense debate about an "exclusive" that Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are fucking, and that she really likes him but that he's ust using her for sex.

First of all: people claiming to KNOW other people's feelings and motives = win (and by win, I mean lose).

But seriously, this saved my night, hahaha. People are funny (and by funny I mean batshitcrazy).

hello livejournal that I have not written in for basically two months. I'm sorry. I miss you. I'll begin writing in you again stat.

in Ireland right now. I realize I haven't written in this thing in over a month. Have just been writing in my private offline journal and my travel blog. You can follow my travels there (http://jessbrez.wordpress.com).

FRIDAY: I have a dinner date with a boy. Korean bbq.

Saturday: I'm going to a Jimmy Eat World and Guster concert with a different boy.

. . .

It could be good, I could be bad. At least the music and food will be great. I'm so excited!

I have to go shoot a night photography project right now. I'm shooting at the harbor. It's like a frigging hour walk and I don't know what the nearest T-stop is.

If I don't make it back . . . I loved you all.

I AM IN BOSTON!

Stop fucking chasing me ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

And come to Boston.

We will have much more fun here than we would in Arkansas or Dallas or Austin.

Or better yet, e-mail me. And I will take a trip. I may even be headed to London this summer anyways. You can help me look at jobs and apartments.

Just. Stop it. Stop it right now with the plane tag.

Rofl, I have watched that a thousand times. Bella even sort of tries to argue before he walks off. He's so pissed about having chlamydia.

to the beach! For a weekend dedicated solely to photography/writing/art! Talk about a dream come true! I don't know if we'll have internet where we're staying or not. Doesn't really matter. It's 70degrees in Rockport right now and I can't WAIT to be back near the ocean. :)

I guess I've been in such reclusive writer mode that I sort of forgot about my family. I got home this morning and had the day with mom, and then Jerry got home and we ate dinner together talking, and then Thomas got home and all of us went outside to play with his new electric skateboard, and then Brittney came over with Roxie. Quirks and eccentrities and issues aside, I really do have a fun family. Dad even met me at the gate when I landed this morning, which I love, because i love that I'm airport royalty, haha.

Now off to do laundry because I leave for the beach in the morning. Hurray!

Hi Jessa, there's nothing you can do now, just make sure you come next time. However, I did notice that you looked a little tired in class so have a good restful break.

Nigel


He has officially joined Liz in the ranks of my favorite professors ever. She always would return my midnight e-mails telling me to go to bed. It's really sad when your professors even see how exhausted you are.

Seriously. I have three new best friends and we are all lame together but it's great. I can't copy and paste all the WONDERFULNESS that are our conversations, but they are epic.

Me: I don't think I have ever met a pickle I didn't like
Amanda: LMFAO
Amanda: quote of the day

But I thought i should bring you teh quote of the day, straight from me.

So last night, I finally fell asleep around 5am this morning, knowing I needed to get up by 8 in time to shower adn make it to the North End for breakfast with Amanda and them. Not long after I fell asleep, Gary got home and started being loud. At first he was pounding, so I pounded back. Then he turned his TV up so loud.

So I got out of bed and yelled "SHUT THE FUCK UP IT IS FUCKING 5:30 IN THE FUCKING MORNING!" and then I turned on Breaking Benjamin music really and kept it playing until 6:30.

Of course, I slept through my breakfast date. And I've lost my morning, which I needed to shoot more roles of film. Fuck you, Gary.

Things are going well. Got all my reservations. Already trying to get my photo shoot together for next weekend instead of waiting until the last minute. If I can find some people free, I may see about renting costumes from the costume shop. That would be fun.

Processed my negatives today. I had been tempted to just throw them away because I figured they were probably ruined. My gut told me to just give it a go though and THANK GOODNESS. The edges of some of the negatives are burned, but the pictures are unaffected. THANK GOD. I've still got medium format camera for the rest of the weekend, so I'll try and shoot some more, I think, just for fun and back up. But it's such a relief to know those first two rolls came out.

Just did dishes. Opened a tupperware container adn literally started gagging and had to leave the bathroom to compose myself, the smell was so bad. You think by now I would have learned. UGH. Fucking disgusting.

Still have a few things I'd like to get done today to put myself ahead of to-do list schedule, but I'm happy with myself. It feels good to get things done and not sit down at the end of the day to think, "What just happened? What have I been doing with myself?"

Mom and Jerry left for Minneapolis this morning to set up our art exhibit at the museum there. Sucks that my photos are on exhibit somewhere and I don't get to even go to my own exhibit, lol.

why do you not sleep at night? That is the normal thing for people to do. You should try it sometime.

Love,
your sanity

American Idol, which I watch sporadically at best, has gotten to the point that I just feel cruel watching it. Like, the show is MADE to put people through emotional hell. I'm all for shit like that in movies and books . . . but I don't really like seeing people actually suffer. Life is rough enough as it is without a TV show jerking you around for shits and giggles.

Woke up at 11am to my Dad calling. I have a headache . . . why? I had two shots last night. That is NOT enough to leave me with a hangover. I also really bad don't want to go work on my photo project. Damn shit.

May be selling my Taylor and buying a Luna. Question for anyone who knows about guitars: so my strings on my Taylor are really, really tight, and honestly, I don't remember the last time I"ve changed the strings. It's probably been a couple YEARS. Would restringing it make the stringers looser so that I wouldn't have to use a pick to play?

I asked the magic 8-ball on this (http://www.27bslash6.com/magic8ball.html) site "Can I fuck Rob Pattinson please?" And the answer was "Hm . . . yes."

THANK YOU. Deliver him to me now please.


( But beyond that, here are some random things that make me gasm lately. )
That's enough for now. Need to go shower for the first time in like three days and get ready for my date with Diana tonight. Huzzah!

I just submitted a couple things to the Emerson Review. And I realized it is the first time in my entire life I have submitted fiction/nonfiction stuff for publication. I've submitted poetry to things before but I hate my poetry, so it was just a happy surprise that it got selected. With playwrighting, acceptance is based just as much on whether they can actually produce the play as it is on how good it is, and anyways enough of a fuss was made about the plays I submitted beforehand that it wasn't too scary. My essays and photographs just find a way of getting selected without me being the one to actually submit them.

But I'm really, really nervous. I can't decide if I like what I finally decided to submit; I can't decide if it's even good writing or at all ready to be read or published. It's one thing to pass out a story to be workshopped in class where you ahve the safety of saying it's your first draft, and it's not an accept/deny situation anyways. But I could be about to get my first rejection letters.

Shit, why did I choose this career path again?